Before the previous semester ended, I had a couple of goals in mind that I wanted to accomplish this summer. It was mostly personal- matters of the heart, since the first few months of the year had me at my lowest of lows.
I promised not only to myself but to my friends as well that after this summer, I would go back to my old self: my vibrant, sunny, awesome self. To move on from the heartache that knocked me down real bad and eventually move forward. Then there were also not so small academic goals I had to reach, as we had to finish our practicum alongside passing Chemistry summer class. I hoped that I could do all those in 2 months. And with God’s grace, I did.
The timing was just perfect. The idea of having summer class and OJT depriving me of summer vacation sucked at first, little did I know it was exactly what I needed. Having something to get yourself busy with and take your mind off unnecessary stressors can actually help a lot in the process of moving forward. Rather than dwell on the things that make you depressed, you just gotta do something else period! So, that’s what I did. Although I woudn’t deny I was pathetic at first- for three months actually, until I went to the Psychiatric ward… as an intern. NOT as a patient, just to be clear.
My duty in the psych ward was one of the things I’m most thankful for this summer as I learned so many things, and well, also because that was what kept me busy, therefore not having time anymore to just sit alone in my room and cry. Ironic as it may seem, but it was my patients who were therapeutic for me. Most patients admitted there were Schizophrenic and had Bipolar Disorder, whom I believe became my friends even though some ask for my name every single day I go there.
Life wasn’t so good to them, I thought. So I had no right to complain whether my life isn’t going the way I want it to be. A patient told me, “You’re free, I’m not. I’m stuck here.” I didn’t know how to respond to that because she made a good point. That I have a good shot at life, that it’s not too late to make things right and do whatever I can to be truly happy, but they on the other hand, have little chance of being discharged from what another patient called as “the poisonous Clinic of The Holy Spirit” (he’s delusional, though). At least my level of depression doesn’t need medication aside from well, stop being depressed, which any rational and conscious person can do, but they can’t. From that alone, it’s like I was ashamed of myself from sobbing too much on such shallow things like rejection. I just had to stop pitying myself and focus on the good things God blessed me with. Afterall, if symptoms of depression prolong within me, I just might end up in the same place as my patients are. So it was there where I found my sanity.
The only treatment I needed was acceptance, letting go, contentment and forgiveness. With that, prognosis is good.
And it was a well spent summer. :)